


Mr. Bond

by iloveitblue



Series: Prompts [137]
Category: Skyfall (2012) - Fandom, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-08
Updated: 2016-03-12
Packaged: 2018-02-28 16:24:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2739107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iloveitblue/pseuds/iloveitblue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The one where they try to talk to Mr. James Bond.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"Your mission, should you choose to accept it-"

"I think that’s the wrong movie" Hill told Sitwell, who were both sat in the front seat, Sitwell had the wheel. Sitwell rolled his eyes at Maria and hummed the Mission Impossible theme. "Still the wrong movie." Maria informed him, flipping through the briefing packet one more time.

"You don’t even know what I’m thinking about! How could you possibly know which theme I’m trying to hum?" 

Maria raised him an eyebrow and he grumbled. 

"Children. I work with children." Fury declared in the back seat, interrupting Phil’s briefing of Strike Team Delta. 

"As I was saying, the target is notorious for evading any and all attempts at contact. Assume hostility at all times."

"Yes sir." Natasha and Clint both answered.

"Do we get to put a face to the target sir? It’ll be a little hard to watch out for something that we don’t even recognize." Clint asked. 

"Negative, Agent Barton. Strike Team Delta will only act as reinforcement in today’s mission." Fury answered for Phil.

"Yes sir."

Phil cleared his throat and continued. “As for positions, Agent Hill will take up the roof, rifle at the ready. Agent Romanov will be undercover as a waitress. Agent Barton, you’re with me. Agent Sitwell will stay in this van and be our eyes and ears. Director Fury will be the only one to engage contact. Are we understood?”

"Yes sir."

—-

"You know, you could have just asked me out on a date." Clint smiled into his cup of coffee. 

Phil rolled his eyes at Clint. “Now, where’s the fun in that?” He grinned at Clint, resting his cheek on his wrist. “This is way more ‘us’. Conniving, and work-related.”

Clint huffed a laugh before there was static in his  ear. “Okay, lovebirds. Target is in sight.” Sitwell informed them. “Your 8 o’clock, Agent Coulson.”

Clint stood up quite abruptly that Phil was too surprised to stop him from moving towards their target. “Clint, wait!” Phil called out but Clint was still headed for their target.

"What’s going on?! Coulson, why is Barton moving? Sitwell, what’s he saying." Fury demanded from his ear.

"He turned off his comm sir. I can’t hear anything."

Phil remained silent and they all stood still, watching what happens next. Which just so happened to be Clint hugging their target, Mr. James Bond.

If this was an anime, they’d all fallen over from shock by now. But seeing as how it wasn’t, Phil released the breath he didn’t know he was holding and walked up to the two men. 

"Clint." Phil touched the archer’s elbow, trying not to look at Mr. Bond.

"Oh, hi Phil! This is-"

"Agent Phillip J Coulson, of the Strategic Homeland Intervention, and Logistics Division, Yes. We’ve met. The last time was in Peru, I think." Mr. Bond told them.

"Brussels, actually. You shot me in the shoulder, whilst on that train, remember?" Phil glared at the man now.

"Right. terribly sorry about that. I was actually aiming for the man behind you when the train teetered."

"Wait. You’ve met before?" Clint interrupted.

"And  _you_  just botched the whole plan. What part of only Fury gets to make contact was unclear?” Phil asked Clint.

"But I didn’t make contact! I’m just- Oh.  _Oh.”_ Clint frowned at Phil then at Mr. Bond. “Wait. Why is SHIELD after my brother?”

"Your Brother?" Phil heard Sitwell ask from his comm. 

"I thought your brother was Barney Barton?" Phil asked instead.

"Yes. Barney Barton. MI6 agent code name: James Bond." 

"Give them everything, why don’t you?" Barney rolled his eyes fondly at Clint.

"Just your name. You’ve got like 6 more." Clint shoved him and honestly, Hawkeye shoving SHIELD’s most wanted playfully has got to be the weirdest thing Phil has seen this week.

"As touching a reunion as this is, we’ll need you to come in, Mr. Bond." Fury said from behind Barney.

Barney turned and smiled politely. “If I come in, will my brother be spared from insubordination?”

"He wasn’t going to be punished. It was our fault for not giving him enough data to run with. Besides, we don’t use our agents as bargaining chips. Although your cooperation will be highly appreciated." Fury told him with a straight face.

"Good answer. Very well then, Shall we go?" Fury led the man away and into a car, but not before he waved Clint goodbye.


	2. Chapter 2

“Stop pacing. You’re going to dig a hole in my office.” Coulson glanced up when Clint gave him a look. 

“It’s nothing, right?” Clint asked him as he sat down. “I mean, SHIELD doesn’t want him dead, right? That’s like a conflict of interest for MI6 and SHIELD.” He clasped his hands together and rested his arms on his knees. “Then again, He may have interfered in one too many SHIELD ops. Maybe that’s why SHIELD is intent on taking him out.” Clint’s eyes widened and he stood up and started to pace again. “But he hasn’t done anything wrong. He hasn’t killed anyone innocent.They can’t hold anything against him. They-”

“Clint.” Phil said, walking around his desk to hold Clint’s hands. “He’s just here to talk. Nothing is going to happen to him. I promise.” 

Clint nods and then looks at their hands. No one speaks and the moment stretches on. Just the two of them, inside Phil’s office, alone and holding hands like a couple of teenagers that are too awkward to function. That is until they heard someone clear their throat and they both turned to the door to find Barney standing there. 

“Getting cozy, I see.” Barney commented with a raised eyebrow and a knowing smirk. 

They let go of each other’s hands as if they agreed on it and Clint rolled his eyes. “How’d you know where I was?” Clint asked him instead. 

Barney let himself inside the office and sat on what was now dubbed ‘Clint’s Couch’. He shrugged. “Everybody in SHIELD knows you stay here when you’re not shootin something.”

“Everybody IN SHIELD. You’re not IN SHIELD.”

“Technically, currently, I am. but I see your point.”

“Well?” 

“Well what?”

“Well, what did Fury say?”

“Top Secret. Sorry. You know how it is.” 

Well, can you at least tell me you’re not in danger?” Barney raised an eyebrow at that. “You know what I mean.”

“No. I am not in trouble with SHIELD. They just needed me to relay a message. Anyway, that’s enough work. Lunch?” He started to get up from the couch and Clint waved him off.

“I’ll meet you outside. I just need to get something real quick.” With that, Clint left the two men alone.

”So. Phil Coulson. What’s your intention towards my brother?” Barney asked so casually, Phil actually thought he was kidding.

“Excuse me?”

“Well, Clint obviously likes you. And as far as I can tell, you like him back. So, what’s all…” He gestured to generally everything around Phil. “…this?”

“What?”

“This. This whole unidentified thing you have going with my brother. What is it?”

“Nothing. There’s nothing going on.”

Barney nodded. “You honestly expect me to believe that?”

“Well, it’s the truth, so yes.”

Barney studied him for a second and he sighed. “Fine. Just. Don’t hurt him, okay? If you do, I don’t care if I have to die three times. I AM going to go after you.” He gave Phil a tight smile before leaving the office.

Whoever said Barney Barton left his brother unprotected has obviously never met him in person.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Here on tumblr](http://promptmephlint.tumblr.com/post/116816592526/this-is-an-announcement-that-i-might-be-posting)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “I thought the Avengers did active response to immediate global threat situations?” Mr. Bond asked, looking over Phil’s shoulder at central command.

“We do. This is just for fun.” Clint answered through his earpiece, while hacking into hotel’s security. “We’re in, by the way.”

“You taught my brother how to hack?” Mr. Bond asked.

“Please. Clint taught Tony Stark how to hack.” came Natasha’s scoff through the speakers.

“I resent that.” Tony answered. “I’m a much better hacker than he is.” 

“Children. Now is not the time for arguments.” Phil chastised them. “Widow, you’re up.” 

At Phil’s word, Natasha stepped up to the front desk, hanging off of Tony’s arm, giggling like Tony had just said the funniest thing in the world. Tony smiled charmingly at her then gave the receptionist a once over.

“Room key, please.” Tony said dismissively before turning back to Natasha and whispering nothing in her ear. Natasha laughed and hit him playfully in the chest. It was flirting at the grossest possible level.

“Yes, of course. I’ll just need your name.” The receptionist said with a smile.

Natasha and Tony froze, giving her a dead stare.

“Excuse you?” Natasha asked in her snootiest french accent. It worked terribly well if the terrified look the receptionist had was any indication.

“Like I said, I’m just going to need your name-”

“Don’t you know who he is?” Natasha asked her. 

“Oh, I-”

“Someone is seriously going to get fired.” Tony muttered. “Tony Stark. Now, room key? My usual room?” 

The receptionist quickly typed in her computer and frowned. “I- I’m sorry, Mr. Stark. You seem to be a first time client in this hotel, and I-”

“Is it your first day working in this hotel or something?” Natasha asked. 

“No, I-”

“Then why can’t you do your job properly?” Tony bit back. “Poseidon suite.” 

The receptionist scrambled to get the keycard fixed and handed it to Tony. Natasha took it with her gloved hands - tacky, if she did say so herself - and smiled in disgust at the receptionist. “He doesn’t like being handed things.” 

They walked away, with Natasha still hanging off of Tony and laughing at a joke he never said. As soon as they were in the elevator, Natasha pressed into her earpiece and spoke, “I got her prints.” 

“Is all this really necessary?” Mr. Bond asked.

“Not really but like Clint said, this is much more fun.” Steve answered as he too entered the elevator with Natasha and Tony dressed in a fancy suit. “She looked like she wanted to murder you where you stood.” 

“Every girl does after I’ve slept with them.” Tony said flippantly.

“Then you must not be as good as the papers claim.” Steve teased, making everyone on the line laugh. 

“You walked into that one, Stark.” Natasha snickered.

“I meant after I’ve left them in the morning and never called- you know what, fuck you, Rogers.” 

“Let’s just get the card to Bruce and have him analyze the prints for gamma signatures.” 

“If we’re right, we could be looking at the next psychokiller bent on taking over the world.” Steve said.

“What happened to the times where stabbing and gutting people open was the norm for psychokillers?” Bruce asked.

“Every profession evolves, psychokilling had to too.” Clint answered with a shrug.

“Okay, team. We’re done for now. Steve get that card to Bruce. Tony and Natasha, Bond is headed for your location. Clint head back to command center.” Phil gave them their instructions. 

—

The door opened without a creak and she locked it behind her. She walked towards the bed, jet injector in her hand. As she got closer to the bed and its occupants, she gave a feral grin, more to herself than to anybody, really. 

She yanked the covers, expecting Tony Stark and his lady friend, but found someone she didn’t recognize pointing a gun at her. 

“Hello.” Clint greeted. “What are the chances we’d both be carrying a gun? Of course, guns really aren’t my thing. They make too much of a mess, if you ask me.” He ranted. 

She dropped the jet injector only when another gun touched the base of her skull. 

“Move, and I pull the trigger.” Mr. Bond said. 

Clint picked up the jet injector and placed it inside a briefcase, whistling a tune as he did so.

“Janet Bing, you killed my associate. I have to say this type of thing was a little above my paygrade so I had to enlist some help in order to track you down but, the Avengers, they don’t disappoint, do they?”

She grumbled, but nobody really cared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> #is it obvious ive never seen a bond movie in my life?
> 
> [Here on tumblr](http://promptmephlint.tumblr.com/post/140934254701/you-will-not-believe-the-day-ive-had-im-so)

**Author's Note:**

> [Here on tumblr](http://promptmephlint.tumblr.com/post/104667336911/typhoon-ruby-is-suspending-classes-please-no-i)


End file.
